I am so lucky to team up with Just strong to help raise awareness for mental health, Just strong are a fitness brand dedicated to empowering women. The links on my profile are affiliate links which means I will earn a small amount of commission at no extra cost to you. My code will also give a 10% discount.
I am sure everyone is well aware of what’s going on the world right now and I am conscious that this will impact massively on peoples mental health . Which is why I am going to donate all commission that I earn to a mental health charity.
I am going to tell my story in the hope that it will encourage others to speak up, seek help and realise that no matter what they are going through it will get better and you are not alone.
On the 18th may 2014 I came home after my birthday night out to find my dad had taken his own life. To this day I don’t know where I found the strength to dial 999, cut the rope and start performing CPR. I was 19, alone and still half cut from night before. The paramedic must have took only 10 minutes if that but it felt like hours. The words ‘there was nothing I could do’ cut through me like a knife and I felt my whole word shatter. The rest of that night was a blur but for months I couldn’t close my eyes without seeing my dad and when I did get to sleep I would have horrific nightmares and wake up thinking it was all a dream for reality to rush in and smack me in the face again. Despite all this I went back to work, I started a new course at college and I began fighting for my dads estate in order to keep his house he had worked so hard for. I was appointed executor of my dads estate and at the age of 19 I didn’t even know what a solicitor was never mind have to pay one. It took me 2 years of battling back and forth to ensure my brother and sisters got what they deserved and to honour my dads wishes.
through out this I managed to pass my pharmacy course at college and secure full time employment and was genuinely feeling better about life.
Fast forward a year and I had bought my own place, progressed in my career and was planning to get married. From the outside it looked like I was doing pretty well, however I was so so unhappy I felt stuck in my career and had no idea what I was going to I was being told on a daily basis that I wasn’t going anywhere and everyone else around me had big fancy degrees and honestly I made me feel so stupid. My relationship was falling apart, I wasn’t aloud to go out with who I wanted I had my messages and phone calls monitored constantly, he had rang up huge bills on credit cards and everyday was a constant battle. Around this time was when I finally started to grieve for the loss for my dad every day I would cry my heart out before and after work because I missed him so much. I had no family around me, had lost touch with a lot of friends and I felt so worthless. I was being told on a daily basis that I was a waste of space and that had nothing to be upset about because I had it better than most people.It got to the point where I didn’t want to live anymore and I took an overdose, I am thankful now that I woke up.
I got my life back on track I started going out, I started talking to new people I got back in touch with old friends and had started yet another new job. I was working at recovering my life and then I was sexually assaulted by someone I trusted and someone I thought was a friend. I could feel my mental health deteriorating again but this time I opted for counselling and it was the best thing I ever done.
I am so happy that I am still alive today and I am so happy that I am able to say I have a job, a roof over my head, amazing friends and also the most supportive partner I could have asked for. Not everything in life is going to be easy but together we can get through it and help each other. Things will get better and then bad won’t last forever. Speak up, reach out and if someone reaches out to you please listen to them.
We are all in this together.
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